GRIEF & LOSS:Preparing for the Holidays

HOLIDAYS JUST AREN’T THE SAME:
STILL LIFE GOES ON

COPING STRATEGIES FOR THE HOLIDAYS

1. Redefine your holiday expectations. Allow yourself scale back on activities. Plan ahead as to where and how you will spend your time during the holidays. Tell important people in your life that this is a difficult season and let them know what they can do to help. Don't expect people to remember or to know what to do. Plan to be with the people YOU enjoy.

SUGGESTION: Redefine your celebrations on winter: go to a mountain lodge; go Sledding or skiing, or just take a walk in the woods--time out to enjoy what nature has to offer in this season.

2. Select a candle in your loved one's favorite color and scent. Place it in a special area of your home and light it at a significant time throughout the holidays, signifying the light of the love that lives on in your heart.

SUGGESTION: Include the deceased in your conversations and celebrations. Hang a stocking for your loved one in which people can put notes with their thoughts or feelings. Look at photographs. Once others realize that you are comfortable talking about your loved one, they can relate stories that will add to your pleasant memories.

3. Give yourself permission to express your feelings. If you feel an urge to cry, let the tears flow. Tears are healing. Scientists have found that certain brain chemicals in our tears are natural pain relievers.

SUGGESTION: (Fill in with YOUR idea)

4. Call family members or dear friends and share your feelings. If they knew him or her, consider asking them to share some memories of times they shared with your loved one.

SUGGESTION:

5. Write an “un-sent letter” to your loved one expressing what you are honestly feeling toward him or her at this moment. After you compose the letter, you may decide to place it in a book, album or drawer in your home, leave it at a memorial site, throw it away, or even burn it and let the ashes rise symbolically.

SUGGESTION:

6. If you live within driving distance of the cemetery, decorate the memorial site with a holiday theme.. Decorating the site yourself can be helpful in remembering and celebrating your loved one's life during the holidays, and may free you to cherish the present holiday with your remaining family.

SUGGESTION:

7. Play music that is comforting and meaningful to you. Take a few moments to close your eyes and feel the music within the center of your being.

SUGGESTION:

8. Give money you would have spent for gifts for your absent loved one to a charity in your family member's name.

SUGGESTION: Do something for others: volunteer at a soup kitchen; visit the lonely and shut-ins; ask someone who is alone to share the day with your family; provide help for a needy family; volunteer at the airport to pour coffee for stranded travelers; or offer to volunteer in a hospital on the holiday.

9. DON'T BE AFRAID TO HAVE FUN. Laughter and joy are not disrespectful. Give yourself and your family members permission to celebrate and take pleasure in the holidays.

SUGGESTION:

10. TAKE CARE OF YOU. Set priorities! Grief is exhausting Be careful with excessive use of alcohol or medications. Try to keep on a routine. Eat as well as you can, get your rest, and keep up with your exercise program. If you need some quiet time, take it. Use relaxation techniques you learn here today. Give yourself something to look forward to after the holiday.

SUGGESTION: